Malai's life with her 18 year old son Oliver

Malai has experience of special needs through her son.  

Her experience as a mother to a child with additional needs, together with her training and professional experience, help to increase Malai's ability to understand the issues that arise in her role as a Special Needs Counsellor. The following pages introduce Malai’s son and give a window into Malai’s & Oliver’s world. 

When Oliver was born the doctors diagnosed a congenital heart defect.  It was a shock, but our comfort was that it was just physical.  When he was 6 months old, they said something was wrong with his development. The shock was terrible, life turned into a nightmare; I was so devastated to have a child with special needs.  I could not believe this had happened to me, but it had…..  At the age of 9 months he was diagnosed with severe developmental delay and autistic tendencies.  

Later Donna Williams thought he was on the low end of high functioning autism, which made more sense.  He also has Tourette syndrome which gets much worse when eating foods high in salycilates.  He has severe visual perceptual problems, which in his case means he over-focuses on detail to the detriment of his peripheral vision.

At the moment we are trying to help balance Oliver's vision by using prism glasses.  Suffering from information processing problems, Oliver finds it easier when people speak slowly to him and use gestures.  But really he always has been and still is a mystery.  Also he is one of the sweetest and happiest people around.  His ability to enjoy the simple things of life, as if they were heavenly is so infectious.  He is very demanding, his repetitive phrases can get irritating, but also he is very funny and totally adorable. 

The first few years I was determined that he could become mainstream with enough effort.  I ran an around the clock Option programme for seven years with the help of 10 volunteers, a lot of whom have become great friends.  Option was fantastic and changed Oliver’s special needs from being a nightmare into a most interesting adventure.  I also used many other programs and approaches. But Oliver kind of said he was who he was and all my wilfulness could not alter that.  One could never bribe him, and he will never be mainstream, although he has progressed immensely over the years and has changed from a child who would hardly make a sound to a youngster who never stops talking.  

When I met Donna Williams she opened some of the windows to Oliver’s world for me.  She taught me ‘sensing’, which is the system Donna and Oliver use to know what goes on.  Donna has been the most important person for me in my journey with Oliver.  Thanks to her Oliver has his life now as a weekly boarder at a special needs Steiner school, I have my life working with clients and also we have a life together on weekends and holidays. Like all parents of special needs children I have gone through the different stages of first shock and then finding a way to survive; of searching for answers while still trying to live a normal life; of letting my child be part of the world without me, for example when starting school. Every new stage of Oliver’s development brings hardship and grief as well as new progress and discovery.  

Overall I can truly say that Oliver is the best thing that has happened to me in my life.  He is the best teacher I ever had.  Through him I changed all my previous values and belief systems.  I learned what is important in life and what is not!  When I met Donna Williams she opened some of the windows to Oliver’s world for me.  She taught me ‘sensing’, which is the system Donna and Oliver use to know what goes on.  Donna has been the most important person for me in my journey with Oliver.  Thanks to her Oliver has his life now as a weekly boarder at a special needs Steiner school, I have my life working with clients and also we have a life together on weekends and holidays. 

Like all parents of special needs children I have gone through the different stages of first shock and then finding a way to survive; of searching for answers while still trying to live a normal life; of letting my child be part of the world without me, for example when starting school. Every new stage of Oliver’s development brings hardship and grief as well as new progress and discovery.  

Overall I can truly say that Oliver is the best thing that has happened to me in my life. He is the best teacher I ever had. 

Through him I changed all my previous values and belief systems.  I learned what is important in life and what is not!